This would have been the first date night...WOULD being the operative word here.
I feel like such a failure.
My situation at work was bleak today and I let it get me down instead of rising above it. I even streamed praise and worship music for almost two full hours while I, feeling annoyed and stressed, pecked away at my keyboard recreating a report I'd lost due to the demise of my work laptop. I left in a huff practically stomping out and possibly slamming the door - the wind may have helped a little in that regard. I threw my bags in my car and started the long drive home.
I was fed up.
The stress of this place is starting to take it's toll on my health, or it may have been the fact I had not eaten anything all day and didn't take the time to get away and grab lunch. Whose fault was that anyway?
The negative thoughts droned on, I thought calling Daryl and Bailey while they were on the road home would help, but instead I simply burst into tears as soon as they answered the phone.
REALLY?!?! What is wrong with me?!
I stewed on it the majority of the drive home. Thoughts of quitting my job didn't even bring relief, just more and more indignation. Would this ever end?
Then it hit me. I planned a date...tonight...and my heart was not in the right place. Rather than go into this with the wrong attitude, I decided to reschedule my date and began thinking about where I wanted to start with this. After my temper tantrum filled day, I decided that a good start would be creating the proper focus for my dates.
SO, I have decided to use a journal - one where I can record my thoughts, revelations and even my conversations with Jesus. And I have decided that I would start with...ADORATION.
I really cannot believe how difficult this is. I thought I adored God. But in reality - I think I adore myself more. Sounds conceited? But it's true. I spend more time primping and checking myself in the mirror, taking selfies, etc. I am self-centered and this needs to change and it needs to change now.
For my first date I am going to spend the time sharing with God what it is that I adore, admire, worship about Him. All this is going in my journal because I want to be able to reflect back on this first date and see how I dug deep within the recesses of my soul.
I am looking forward to my first date now, with hopeful anticipation that I will pull out some honest, pure and praiseworthy adoration!
I feel like such a failure.
My situation at work was bleak today and I let it get me down instead of rising above it. I even streamed praise and worship music for almost two full hours while I, feeling annoyed and stressed, pecked away at my keyboard recreating a report I'd lost due to the demise of my work laptop. I left in a huff practically stomping out and possibly slamming the door - the wind may have helped a little in that regard. I threw my bags in my car and started the long drive home.
I was fed up.
The stress of this place is starting to take it's toll on my health, or it may have been the fact I had not eaten anything all day and didn't take the time to get away and grab lunch. Whose fault was that anyway?
The negative thoughts droned on, I thought calling Daryl and Bailey while they were on the road home would help, but instead I simply burst into tears as soon as they answered the phone.
REALLY?!?! What is wrong with me?!
I stewed on it the majority of the drive home. Thoughts of quitting my job didn't even bring relief, just more and more indignation. Would this ever end?
Then it hit me. I planned a date...tonight...and my heart was not in the right place. Rather than go into this with the wrong attitude, I decided to reschedule my date and began thinking about where I wanted to start with this. After my temper tantrum filled day, I decided that a good start would be creating the proper focus for my dates.
SO, I have decided to use a journal - one where I can record my thoughts, revelations and even my conversations with Jesus. And I have decided that I would start with...ADORATION.
I really cannot believe how difficult this is. I thought I adored God. But in reality - I think I adore myself more. Sounds conceited? But it's true. I spend more time primping and checking myself in the mirror, taking selfies, etc. I am self-centered and this needs to change and it needs to change now.
For my first date I am going to spend the time sharing with God what it is that I adore, admire, worship about Him. All this is going in my journal because I want to be able to reflect back on this first date and see how I dug deep within the recesses of my soul.
I am looking forward to my first date now, with hopeful anticipation that I will pull out some honest, pure and praiseworthy adoration!
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